I guess I kind of have lost track of life. Lack of having good people, good words, good things, around me. It is the monotony,the urge to make others happy. That strange feeling of being in no mans land yet being with the same faces all day.There is chaos, panic, disorder and all parts of me trying to figure why isn't life just about a cup of coffee and words to live by, or a glass of champagne and a gorgeous evening, or a can of beer and we dance all night long on strange tunes.The smell of a fresh novel, the kiss that happens between the eyes before the lips touch, the drive to pick up your favorite food. Have they all lost meaning to me?Or were they just escapist activities for me?I know. It is kind of weird. I mean most of the time I am tying to escape from the fact that there is no monotony.
But there is, I guess. It still is, all around, everywhere.
Actually I really don't know what do I have around me
there is boredom
there is anxiety
there is terror
there is freedom
it is like a hay why of everything
and I am just trying to figure out my calmness in this chaos.
They drain me. They suck out ever drop of patients, love and bliss from me and then wonder where I disappeared. All I need is to be left alone. I need to refill myself. I don't want to be the ears for someone who has never heard someone else's voice. I don't want to be the one who quietly accepted.
I want randomness.
I want weirdness.
I wanna be lost and never be found.
I want to do something that makes my soul happy.
I wanna grow young without a hand.
I just want something from life everyday. Just a hint of serendipity, a kiss and good work. That shall help me survive.
For just once I want to understand what I want. And then I shall let the chaos be left alone.
Yes, there is a lack. There is a lack of alot of things in life right now but majorly there is a scarcity of words to describe my emotions.
