Every time I was up the terrace, she would ask me, “What are
you doing there? I have a feeling, that you have wrong intentions. I’m calling
your family right away if you don’t go down now.”
And now, when I stand there at the edge, on my terrace all I
do is wait. I wait for her hand to call upon me to stop me from what I intend
to do. And as if she doesn't come now, I am sure what’ll come are her tears. Tears
of losing me forever.
We all have that one friend in our lives who are a spirit of
happiness. They can make any situation
take a 180° turn and become way better. Well, I have been that one friend to
everyone I've known, from family to friends, from ex’s to acquaintances. They come
upto me with problems or teary eyes looking for someone to hear them. ‘No
regrets’ is what I say on being such a person. I love to hear others and talk!
But always there has been in my heart a longing for such a friend that I have
been to others. I wanted someone to turn the beast to beauty, the storm to
sunshine, the darkness to light for me. But years have passed and
it is really hard to find someone like that. People say the reason is I am very
selfish when it came to my problems and only a piece of paper and my sketches
know about them. How I wished that was not it. How I wished to have a walking
person with 6 senses to listen to me with all their heart and soul.
But just as I had given up all hopes of finding such a
shoulder to cry on I bumped into her. Her joyous face made me feel it was
alright. I don’t know how, I don’t know where but we clicked. It was like after
that day our lives were being written together. And this time I knew I had
someone who’d make everything alright. Everything just perfect. The beauty of
which I did see. Talking to her for hours was like a daily chore, hours which
seemed like seconds. A day without seeing her was like a day without water. And
I knew one thing, she knew me more than I did myself.
But then day by day all the vibes seemed only on the
surface, the smile so fake. And slowly I got to know about her dreadful past. About
all that she had been through. The bad and the worse but still sticking strong
through all of it. And soon it again turned the otherway round. I became the
shoulder where she did nothing but to cry and pour all the negatives neutralizing
the leftovers of positives in me. But this time I was hurt. I opened my mouth
to tell an incident happened that broke me down, either things turned bad for
me with questions or worse on becomes a souse of reminder of all the pathetic
life incidence and in the end I was sitting and consoling her. No, I didn’t like
it. Things started turning only for her. There was no us.
But then one fine day she decides to walk out saying it’s a ‘break’.
She needs to settle her own issues and she is not sure whether she’ll return or
not. Leaving me hanging like a customer care call which is on hold while the
executive finishes the other calls. But this time I didn’t hear the jingle. All
I heard was an alarm. An alarm which shouted “its high time”.
Though it was one of the hardest decisions of my life but I did
take it. I wished her goodluck for her life and bid my farewell. She said I never
asked her to stay or the reason for leaving. But I already had my answers.
And as today as I sit on the terrace with rain and tears
rolling down my face I ask myself this question, am I waiting for her? Do I want
her back? Soon I make my stupid heart believe that she was just a short lesson
in my life and now it was time to start a new chapter.
Sometimes we take a few decisions in our lives about which we
are not sure. And these are those decisions that we surely regret.
We get carried away in our emotions and take decisions.
But remember regretting is not a crime but uncertainty defiantly
is .
Who is she now?
What is she?
Was this the new beginning?
Or beginning of the end?
And so I commit the crime.
