5 THINGS A STAG EXPERIENCES AT A NIGHT CLUB

1)      THE PROBLEMS IN GETTING IN

Yes guys, we hear you. The struggle you face when all your excitement deteriorate seeing the grimace on the bouncer’s face who knows you are there alone. The whole feminism and the idea equality seems so unfair when the girl gang walks right past you for free and there you are giving whooping amounts of cash just for your entry, as if the liquor prices weren’t high enough. In defense, the club does need to maintain a sex ration inside, just in case everyone breaks into a guys v/s girls dance face off. They do kind of succeed in it, unlike our country.

2)      THE EYES

Now that you are in, people are giving you ‘the eye’, the ‘is this guy alone here?’ eye. The ‘what kindof person comes to a night club alone’ eye, the ‘he is probably here to just pick up chicks’ eye. Don’t you listen to them boo, you are a strong, independent, grown up man who can take care of himself. You go have your drink at the bar, try and talk to the pretty girl sitting right beside you and don’t let the world pull you down.

3)      NO WINGMAN

Well, to be honest, your main motive to go alone at the club might be just a couple of drinks but well, there is no harm if you make some new friends or ahem… whatever. So you scan around the place, matrix out the one you like and plan. This, right here, is when you miss your wingman, your support who is so crucial at his point. He can easily engage ‘your girl’s’ friend so that you get the opportunity or he is just right behind you to support in case things turn embarrassing. But, if you put your mind and just the enough amount alcohol to it, you can definitely do anything.

4)      DJ WALE BABU

The alcohol starts to kick in, everyone is at the dance floor, all you need is that one song to get into the mood so you decide to do what every girl at the club is doing, song request. After 20 mins at the waiting line to the DJ, you finally manage to get to him, only to realize he does not give a rats tail about your Chumma Chumma request. I know it is heart breaking but well, kid, it is EDM night, Martin Garrix maybe?

5)      REALITY CHECK

Now, this is the fault of all the movies taking your expectations skyrocket. You imagined it to be your perfect day. You get out of the car, toss the keys to the valet, shake hands with the bouncer who lets you in through the VIP line. You get in, in slow mo (ofcourse) and all eyes on you. The DJ calls out your name and plays your favorite track, you know him personally, the drinks keep flowing in and you get the prettiest girl in the club back home with you. Turns out, none of that happened. Infact, your little bubble just popped and now you are sitting there wishing you had checked first before landing into this place. 

POKER RULES FOR DUMMIES

Learning poker is like learning BOSMASS. It has many rules, there is an order in which these rules apply and it is confusing in the beginning but once you get a hold of it, you know them like the back of your hand. Luckily, unlike this 7^th standard Math rule, we can escape knowing this game altogether and live a life poker free having only Lady Gaga remind us of it. But for those already in the poker world, you know what the rest are missing. This is coming from someone who has recently discovered the treasures of this game. It is fun, it is easy and with Diwali just around the corner, it kindof is a must in everyone’s to-learn-list.

So, all the poker dummies, gather your cigars and put on the jazz music because the rules of poker are about to be laid.

To start from the basics, a poker game is generally played with a single deck of cards. A deck has 52 cards. There are 4 suit- Spades♠, Clubs♣, Hearts♥ Diamonds♦ and unlike a few other games, all the suits here hold equal value i.e ♦=♥=♣=♠. The value depends upon the number of the card you have. Ace holds the highest value, followed by King, Queen, Jack (these three are the face cards, well because they have a face, obviously), then from 10 to 2 the values hold in the same order.

Now coming to the basic rules of wining in Poker according to the cards you get. You are dealt with 5 cards and that is called your hand. Pick up your cards and arrange them according to the value. The following are the combinations that you are looking for, they hold priority in this order itself:

1.  ROYAL FLUSH
2.  STAIGHT FLUSH
3. FOUR OF A KIND
4. FULL HOUSE
5. FLUSH
6. STRAIGHT
7. THREE OF A KIND
8. TWO PAIR
9. ONE PAIR
10. HIGH CARD

The first bet that everyone put in, is called the ANTE and all the money that is put in is called the POT. FOLD is giving up, you have no hopes and you fold in your cards. These will the basic terminology in the long list of Poker lingo that you’d need for starters. 

Now let’s learn what each of the above combinations mean.

1.     

•  ROYAL FLUSH: If you get this in your first game, it is God’s indication that you are gifted and poker is now your livelihood or beginners luck, any which way, I am jealous.Royal flush basically means getting A K Q J 10 in your hand. It is not easy to get a royal flush in a game. 
•   STRAIGHT FLUSH: It again is getting cards in an order but it has nothing royal about it. Cards 5-6-7-8-9 of the same suit would be a straight flush. In case two players have a straight flush, the hand with the highest value card wins. FOUR OF A KIND: As the name suggests, whoever gets four of the same card, wins. If two players get four of a kind, the hand with the higher value of the combination, wins.
•  FULL HOUSE: This one is actually quite similar to the hit 80’s show, Full house where there are two sets of same cards. In a full house, a hand consists of a three of a kind along with a pair. For example, one may have three 5s and two aces, so you say you have 5s full of aces. If two or more players have a full house, the hand with the highest value of three of a kind wins.
•   FLUSH: This one is the peasant flush, where you have inconsequent cards but of the same suit. Again, if two or more players have a flush, the hand with the highest value card wins.
•  STRAIGHT: Straight is the opposite of flush. Here, the player has cards in an order but they are of different suits. In case there are more than one straight hands, the player with the highest value card wins.
• THREE OF A KIND: Having three same value cards wins, the other two cards are of different values. In case of more than one three of a kind in a game, the one with the highest value of the trip wins.
• TWO PAIR: If a player has two pairs of same cards, that hand wins. For example, if a player has two 10s and two 7s, he/she wins. Now if two or more hands have two pairs, the pair with the highest value wins.
• ONE PAIR: Just having a single pair in the hand means one pair. Again, if two or more players have one pair, the highest value pair wins. In case both the pairs are same, the hand with the highest value card wins.
•  HIGH CARD: So no one practically knows how to play the game or you are just want a single round, you play the high card. As the name suggests, the hand with highest value card wins. If the highest value card is the same, subsequent cards are checked.

The above list would be the first thing you need to know before starting a poker game. You can easily buy a deck od cards and some chips online for your upcoming Diwali party and till then, brush up your poker skills online. May the odds be in your favour.

Decision

Yet again he was at crossroads. Deciding.
This time I am gonna listen to my mind and not make a dumb decision. She is the reason why i am here. she is the reason that i am standing here, choosing.
She is draining me. He is sucking out each and every ounce of patience from me. I earn. It is so easy for me to quinch her worldly thirsts, but only if she had any. She wanted me emotionally. She demanded something very strange.  Something astonishing. She asked me for my attention. For my time.
What sort of a bid was that? I am here, I am around. I meet her as soon as time lets us. Then why would she say this? I call her regularly and ofcourse we are around each other's social medias. Then why does she have this perplexing thought that I am not giving her the attention she needs.
Well I wouldn't deny the fact that I do wrong, a hell lot of time. Actually, all the time. But that has nothing to do with the time we spend together. I know she is an independent and really a wonderful woman, then this sort of archaic behavior was something i never expected from her.
Never in my own house did I had to tell where I am and by what time I will come back. They don't ask me, they know I am a grown up and these questions make no sense now. But then I have her to take care of this department too. Why do you wanna know when i'm gonna be back. It's not that you have to wait for me to do your dinner or open the door. We don't live together. Yeah, I called up a few hours later than I promised, but really, how does it matter? You can take the calls anytime and even if you don't I wouldn't be exasperated unlike you ofcourse. We are adults and you way past the "honeymoon phase" of the relationship, so I guess we should buckle up and take care of more important things in life.
So yeah, I'm done. I'm done taking care of someone. This is all I can give in, infact more than I could. So now that I am at this situation in my life, she is to be blamed.
Yet, this decision has left me baffled. I see her face and I am taken back to all the innocence and madness.   To all the demands and smiles. God! what am I gonna do?
Yeah, destiny. You know sometimes we need to do a little something from our side to make these things work. It was fate that I saw her there that day, so yeah why not let my fate decide where we have to be.
Let's flip a coin. Heads with her, tails, without her. I flip the coin.
Tails it was.
 He knew his destiny had decided for him. He knew where he had to go.
He started to walk and tears rolled down her eyes. He held her hand, and knew it was with her.
For those fraction of seconds the coin was up in the air all he longed for was the coin to fall with heads up. And that was when he knew he was wrong. She sat by the phone when he said he'd call after 10 mins and  waited for hours for the phone to ring. She was worried sick with bad thoughts when she knew he was out drinking. Ofcourse she is a feminist, but was it too much to ask for him to be a little orthodox and buy her flowers sometimes. All she wanted was to be complimented by the only person she dresses up to impress. She wanted him to know her importance, she wanted him to value her.
And so, by the flip of a coin, the decision was made.  

Chaos, panic, disorder.

I guess I kind of have lost track of life. Lack of having good people, good words, good things, around me. It is the monotony,the urge to make others happy. That strange feeling of being in no mans land yet being with the same faces all day.There is chaos, panic, disorder and all parts of me trying to figure why isn't life just about a cup of coffee and words to live by, or a glass of champagne and a gorgeous evening, or a can of beer and we dance all night long on strange tunes.The smell of a fresh novel, the kiss that happens between the eyes before the lips touch, the drive to pick up your favorite food. Have they all lost meaning to me?Or were they just escapist activities for me?I know. It is kind of weird. I mean most of the time I am tying to escape from the fact that there is no monotony. 

But there is, I guess. It still is, all around, everywhere.

Actually I really don't know what do I have around me
there is boredom
there is anxiety
there is terror
there is freedom

it is like a hay why of everything

and I am just trying to figure out my calmness in this chaos.

They drain me. They suck out ever drop of patients, love and bliss from me and then wonder where I disappeared. All I need is to be left alone. I need to refill myself. I don't want to be the ears for someone who has never heard someone else's voice. I don't want to be the one who quietly accepted.
I want randomness.
I want weirdness.
I wanna be lost and never be found.
I want to do something that makes my soul happy.
I wanna grow young without a hand.
I just want something from life everyday. Just a hint of serendipity, a kiss and good work. That shall help me survive.
For just once I want to understand what I want. And then I shall let the chaos be left alone.

Yes, there is a lack. There is a lack of alot of things in life right now but majorly there is a scarcity of words to describe my emotions.

Admit

Being a girl she knew it. The way he looked at her, tried to find ways to talk to her. She always caught him staring at her.

So what was it? 

Every word she uttered seemed to offended him in some way. Never did she intend to hurt him but now with all that he had done to her, she hated him.

He loved her. He knew he did. But was never ready to accept it. It was as if a sin for him to love. He hated himself for falling for her.

I hate him. I can't stand his face, he speaks and I don't understand the sort feelings that I start to generate. The worst part to all of this is the fact there is no way out. We work together. I have to face him everyday. He is my boss, I need to listen to him and follow his orders. But whatever I say, offends him and then he wouldn't lose a chance to make me feel like a burden or a shame.

Everywhere around I always got attention. The good one. Everyone always loved me and compliments were something I was used to. But he, only put me down, let alone complimenting me.

I felt bad and I felt hatred towards him. And I knew he did too. He hated me.

But why, why then he would always be looking at me? Why would he always look at me while talking to the crowd? He had something in his eyes that always drew me towards him.

I know I felt for him, and now I hated myself for it. His eyes, they always caught me and I couldn't ever look away. His hair like that of a Greek God's how I wished to let my hands once through them, just once.

I hate him and I hate myself more than anything, for falling for him.

I love her. Her smile, how I wished I could click a picture and keep it with me forever. Everytime she flipped her hair, I skipped a heart beat. Everytime she walked passed me, I couldn't breath. As bright as the sunrise and as deep as the ocean, it was as if her eyes always talked to me. 

Falling more in love with her was what I did everytime I saw her.

No, no , no I can't. I hate her, how can  I fall for her? The love of my life left me.

I don't believe in love. Love does not exist. It is just an illusion for people with weaker intellect. It has taken me over a year to get over the fact that I was cheated on. There is nothing like love. Lover is just someone who takes advantage of you and leaves you when they are bored.

But she, there is something else about her. She is an angel. It is as if she wears a halo.

No, I hate her existence. 

Never will I let her know what I feel. She is responsible for all that I feel, she is at fault and I hate her for that. Her care and even her, trying to smile after the way I treated her.

I love her and I hate myself more than anything, for falling for her.

Love

I love you. Yes, heavy words. But we use them, everytime. And we all have different meanings in our lives to it.

For her it was him.
His smile.
His romance and his kiss.
So casually did she see him there. Simply they became friends and easily lovers. 'Lets give it a try' was what she thought. Little had she known he would mean the world to her. Every moment of her day would she spend in thinking about him. His voice her drug, his laugh her breath. She had never given that much importance to someone in her life. For him she was ready to sacrifice everything. The biggest flaw in her, he never paid heed to them. Gave her the energy, the spirit she always needed.
No cheats, no lies, no fake. It was just the both of them together, against the whole world.
Everytime she wore something new it was him that she wanted to impress even though knowing that it was of no need. He loved her for whatever she was.
One thing she knew for sure, he was the one person on the face of earth who would never give up on her. Never would he give up on them.
There was fire in their love.This fire kept her alive. And she would never let it die.
Always considered an unstable lover. Easily would she give up on anything. But this time it was not the same case. This time it was for real. She knew this in a very short span of time that what they had was meant to be.
Her smile radiated his hug.
He was the little accident that changed her life forever. And she was ready to spend the rest of her days with him.
And this is what love means to me.

Make way people, Bad Ass in town.

Alright so last week I encountered two super cool people.

They had the coolest things to talk about and I was so inspired to be like them (insert sarcastic grin)
Why I found them so cool, because they were talking about their hepness(insert correct English for hep)
and that was...
was...
wait for it...

*drum roll*

Sutta, weed, joint, roll, marijuana, alcohol, and all other adjectives of attention seeking and desperation.
No I mean wait, you don't smoke? Like haven't ever tried a  beer?! Seriously?!!! What, you are from, like, 1960?!
I mean, look at me, I don't know how you ACTUALLY smoke, after one beer I start acting like I am so wasted, bottoms up is MY thing though I have done it only once and then couldn't wake up for the next whole week. THAT is how cool I am! and you haven't done any of it?!
KIDDING?!

acha, Hookah?! voh toh try kiya hi hoga?!
Nahi?!
Well hell, someone get me a bib, I need to feed the baby!(rolling eyes)

You asking me?! Dude, like last week I went to OTB in HKV (because that's the only place I know, cross my fingers and hope you don't know whether they actually serve hookah or not) and the week before I went to (insert a lounge from C.P) and tomorrow I'm going to GK-2!
Although I have only been to Zook, once, and only SAW my friends have/smoke/eat/drink (whatever you do)a hookah but I'm gonna act as if I know all god damn flavor of that issh.
AND how could you forget my Facebook Profile Picture?!
I mean seriously?! I look so wasted in it with a glass of fizzless coke in my left hand and the tail of the hookah on my right and the smoke from my mouth. Look at what a bad ass I am?!!
Although mummy ne jutti lagani hain if I step out of the house after 7pm. But I'm still gonna brag in 30 different ways about that one time when my folks were out of town and I was on my own for like 6 whole hours  and I had a night out, where we drank(NEAT) at my friend's PG in Noida. And I'll make sure every incident that happened that particular night, I transform them into incidents of different nights creating an illusions about the bazillion number of night outs I have had.
And every time I tell these stories to that one person I'm talking to, I'll make sure there are atleast 3 pair of ears also listening.
I mean please, like please . seriously.
Get a life people, I mean THIS is enjoyment.
phitshhhh!
Look at me, I am like this party arse, with the coolest stories in my back pocket.
My whole family knows about it, and they are so cool!
You are jealous aren't you?!
Next time you see me with my mom, don't even dare to utter a word.